i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
