also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
