Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize