Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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