lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
