this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
