Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
