I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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