Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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