I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's shark week go big or go home
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
