Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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