I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
