I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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