But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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