my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
