The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
