12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
