apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
