Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
