Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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