I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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