ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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