just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
