my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
