He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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