I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
