And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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