when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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