i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
