Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
