i think my tv is drunk
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
