He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
