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It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
