I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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