My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
