This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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