the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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