Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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