Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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