my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
