Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
