I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
