I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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