I cockslap morals
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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