Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize