I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
