Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
