i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize