my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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