Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
