i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
