Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
