those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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