i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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