The brown eye won't let me do that either.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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