I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
