It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
