if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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