If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We are two peas in an std pod
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
