i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
