someone owes me an orgasm
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
