What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she looked like the before picture.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
