I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
