i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
