I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
