Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
