The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
