I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
