...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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