Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
