Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize