Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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