Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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