I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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