my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
