im about as happy as oj after his trial
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
