So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
