don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
