My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
