Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
