What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
