Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
