Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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