He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
