Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
