I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
