Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
