I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize