Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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