Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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