I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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