you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
