Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
