It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
