I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm always down for nudity.
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