You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
